Tiny Happiness

Tiny Happiness

The hustle and bustle, you’re unconsciously lurching

The angels may touch you but you ignore them while searching

Looking for nothing….. In particular

Your focus is determined, machinelike and vehicular

Your mind is flooded with images of unfounded queries

Instead of investigating, you simply accept these theories

Your dreams are shaded in hues of monochromatic

Your colors have faded; you are now less dramatic

You’ve been downgraded but you’re still emphatic and erratic

Where is this happiness that was promised in abundance?

Habitual crappiness is becoming redundant

And the smell is so pungent

Your inner voice is permanently stunted

Like growth that no longer spurts

Your mind is irreversibly cursed, so selfish; me first

Happiness is tiny, minute; often overlooked

You assumed it’d be shiny, astute an open book

Sometimes happiness dwells deep within

Not outwardly shining

Heed my advice, as you begin introspectively climbing

Fallen Canary (For Whitney Houston)

Your voice was contrary to your physical being

It was a treasure beyond extraordinary means

You were the canary who sang in people’s dreams

You were the canary who knew how to sing

You had a talent that only a canary could carry

Gliding in the skies only landing when necessary

The notes that you carried, could be confused with fairies

You stumbled during flight and your landings were scary

We waited for the return of our legendary canary

Waited days, months slowly feeling weary

You were the canary who enraptured our attention

Sailing through the skies, singing wonderfully without redemption

You were our winged beauty, occasionally stopping to rest

Before soaring again, stretching your vocal cords

And Lord knows how they flexed

Keeping us captivated, in awe, baited breath

Then one day without warning, you abruptly left

Transcending out of your flesh

Your wings are now shimmer flecked

Still singing like a harp being strummed ever so softly

You’re now an angelic being, beyond the skies living lofty

Worldly actions for you were costly

We do miss you dearly

Forever in our hearts; our canary

Invisible Admirer

He’s considered a lurker, eavesdropping on my echoes

Memorizing my words, a sexy grinned smirker

Indexing my reflections, just a text book flirter

I see his hushed shadows

Peeked through his brash

Heart shaped lips, leaking Freudian slips

Then he grasps invisibly around my hips

I can’t break his imaginary grip

I whispered in his ear my one wish…

Charms working like a comfortable saddle

He coaxed me up his stream without a paddle

Soothing words and gazing eyes were used as his shrapnel

Permanently haunting my daydreams like a tattoo

Such an excellent listener

Hope that translates into an extraordinary kisser

Spiraling into my life like a powerful twister

I can no longer ignore you, Mr.

Mr. Admirer, words billow from your mouth like a choir

Gripping my pillow, chockfull of desire, take me …..control me

Be my vampire

Masquerading in silhouette, to the naked eye, we have already met

But that is still a dream, not a possibility yet.

Life of My Party

Dissected wardrobe, my closet’s a blur

Nothing stands out, nothing’s superb

To wear to our shindig, that’s starting at nine

But inside I’m rockets and missiles

Finger nails polished, not my favorite thing

I hate the smell and sometimes it stains

Those facts are ignored as I lint brush my skirt

Wearing the best threads my money could afford

My pockets slightly hurt

Will he notice how painstakingly I prepped?

Flower lotus bomb waiting on his steps?

He ignites my internal nuclear thermal

Electrocuting nerve ends

Turning on the lights

At my party.

Queen of Clouds

They gather around; timidly peeking

For a glimpse of her crown

Is it resting high and round?

Or disheveled, leaning down?

What is her mood this evening?

Quiet and collected?

Or is she restless…. agitated…seething?

The Queen is discernible

But the clouds are in varying hues of grey

Is the Queen feeling vulnerable?

Prepping for a watery display?

Of ash colored clouds and torrential rains

Thunder clapping so loud, children hides in disdain

We truly don’t know, but just in case she puts on a show

Our umbrellas are handy….since she’s the consummate dandy

Swaying either way, dainty and pretty

Then gruff and gritty the following day

The Queen is complex, cunning and shrewd

Wears her heart on her sleeve

She’s emotionally nude

So it’s best not to be rude

She induces clouds that smother the sun out of the skies

Such a passionate lover, puppeteering the rain as her cries

Down pouring for days on end, just to stop and start the cycle all over again

Our harvests will suffer because of the folly of men

Who chose not to love her or shunned her affections

The Queen of Clouds doesn’t respond well to rejections

She’ll take away the sun and cloak the skies in greys

Like the beating of a drum, her thunder echoes down like caves

She frowns upon being betrayed or being a pawn in a charade

Just leave her alone, so we can see better days

Heights

No more illusions, you’re definitely not a mirage

No more wolves in sheep’s clothing

The door was closing when you arrived

We live parallel lives but predicting alternate tastes

I’m on your carousel ride; Zen reins our mind states

You sedated my worries, I am no longer anxious

We fell in love in a hurry but our whole future awaits us

So I leapt off the ledge, descending full throttle

While violins play in my head; cuz no one loves you like I do

My heart was once hidden but you located a path

My trust, unforgiving but you unbroken the glass

The heights that I’d climb, just to get to your mountain

They say love takes its time but I must drink from your fountain

To merely sip your elixir…….just to bask in your presence

Taste your love like its liquor, a drunken stupor of reverence

These are the heights that my soul soars for you

Letting go of the frights just believing love is true.

Clearer Mirror

I am the hamster rolling along the proverbial circle

 Burning energy, reds, fuchsias, oranges and purples

My future is a light bulb lit on fire with ambition

A hovering halo, self imposed life sentence

The ladder to success is stymied by cumulus clouds

Someway somehow, I’ve got to pierce the veil beyond the shroud

I don’t want to talk….and definitely don’t want to listen

Avoiding, evading

Ducking the limelight, blissfully fading

Sporadically caring….it sputters, turning grey

Feelings might return, if they have something

Witty to say

 St. Augustine and Aristotle like to argue in my mind

Not sure why they do, since both are anointed and divine

I’d rather they’d recline and just sip some vintage wines

Not revisiting ancient crimes that have altered mankind……..

I live in my mind and my mind is where I live

But you don’t understand me, scratch your head from what I’ve said

My mirror reflects a question mark, a distorted image, a lifeless spark

Self esteem waving hi to a familiar face underneath the guise

I wipe the mirror back and forth

Searching for myself within the fog

Where’s my ambition lit by torch?

It’s somewhere congested, stifled, clogged

Then I remembered that the mirror has two faces

Like the Gemini that I am, with one mind sharing spaces

My appetite renders tasteless as I wander with slower paces

Destination unknown, dropping the mirror to tie my laces.

Fading Flower

When the sun was at its peak

And the clouds were all dispersed

You stole my heart just like a thief would steal an elderly woman’s purse

I gifted you my flower while my petals were in full bloom

But you overwhelmed me with power

Stopping the sun from reaching the room

My flower was happy and healthy, gently swaying in the wind

Until your fingers came along and plucked me

Instead of caressing, you made me bend

But my flower still had some dignity

I hoisted myself into the sky

Despite the arrogant seeds that you dropped in me

I still found the oxygen I need to survive

I was an innocent flower

Looking pretty and modest and such

But you smothered me with rain showers

Destroying my roots, it was just too much

Now I’m just a fading flower

Half alive but not quite dead

My petals are wilting by the hour

From the harsh words that you said

The beautiful thing about being a flower

Is that next spring I will grow again…..

Throwing Gauntlets

Spirals of recollections are spinning through my brain

I put my thoughts in different sections

But they still spell out your name

I point then you point, I object your every word

To understand it from my viewpoint, to you it seems absurd

Your voice can carry loudly, as if firecrackers are going off

My feelings are getting cloudy; the bright sunshine is getting sparse

Throwing heavy gauntlets they’re caving through my soul

Wondering…. do I really want this? New love, that’s quickly turning old?

Depression is your best friend; you understand it in many ways

Now it’s time I should step in… to pull you out your negative daze

Throwing heavy gauntlets, the kind that scrapes at your core

Wondering …do I really want this? New love, that’s letting out its roar?

I crawl across your battlefield bruised and feeling weak

Not sure how much my heart can shield or control its fragile beat

Throwing heavy gauntlets aiming at my chest, asking, do I really want this?

Maybe we should give it a rest.

Impressions Part I

His first impression lasted only a few short seconds

I rolled my eyes, prompting his switch in directions

I summoned my manners and nonchalantly apologized

Turning up my charms, somehow disarmed his disguise

He sauntered back confidently, with an erect stride

I observed him succinctly, designer shoes to sparkling eyes

His fragrance was flagrant as it percolated about

I sniffed in amazement, because his aroma was brazen

It awoken something in me that was hidden and latent

We small talked at first, just the basic chit chatting

Soon we became engrossed, his intrepidation was slacking

He walked me to my doorstep, not caring if I was married or kept

Giving me utmost respect, my apprehension abruptly left

His demeanor, Shakespearian

Not the average fish in the aquarium

I’m a dreamer, bordering delirium

He’s a fact finder, oh so contrarian

Fast forward:  now we’re lounging on the floor

Horizontally opposite, my feet facing the bedroom door

We continued commentary from the week before, then

Abruptly his back chasmed my hands volunteered to explore

As I was working on his spasm, he started to subconsciously relax

I’m sure he never fathomed his resistance would collapse

His wall left ajar, exposing remnants of his emotional scars

Could I piece together the shards? Or just let him strum his damaged guitar?

These were the impressions left after just a few brief sessions

It’s way too early to dissect the meanings or its lessons

But this short time knowing him has been a blessing

Aftermath Fiasco

Simple enough, very straight forward…. it’s a no brainer

We conspired to break our lust out of its stifling container

Your derogatory ways

 Persuaded my body into a purgatorious daze

So the day finally came… literally

 I finally realized an epiphany

When the soundtrack of our lust played vividly

Your sweat beads glisten all glittery

 But then the water balloon bust wide open

Word got around about our touching and groping

But our neatly laid plans made months in advance

Very meticulously…never in an avalanche

Were broken like a lightning struck branch

I was shocked out of my lust filled trance

Fuck, I might not get a second chance

But it’s the aftermath, the happenings afterwards

That leave me ass backwards, wanting to recalibrate my words

Now the Well is poisoned too many chemicals and whispers

Nosy neighbors and their sisters…. I wish they all break out in blisters….

Feelings

Feelings are simple things with simple needs, very similar to plants or flowers

It takes time and patience to grow them but some instances, they sprang up from nowhere

And sometimes even with your best effort they don’t grow at all

But in most circumstances if you nurture and feed them

With the right blend of timing and attention feelings will grow

And sprout long tentacles that envelope your thought process

They can grow so heavy that they lean on your cerebral cortex

Making you believe things you once thought was impossible

Feelings don’t care who feeds them, they don’t care who nurtures them either

They do their own thing with no rhyme or reason

Unlike flowers or plants that come with instructions, feelings don’t come with any directions

And even if they did come with a manual that you read carefully from front to back

There’s still a good chance that those feelings can betray you like a loyal pet

Feelings can spurn, manipulate or soothe you

 Depending on the person they decide to permeate

Similar to a rose, feelings can be beautiful but with thorns that prick when they decide to leave you

Feelings don’t care about wrong or right, they just grow wherever they see fit

And if you’re lucky enough, they will grow for somebody worth loving

Erase Me

Release me from your thoughts, slowly rewind me out of your life

I’d gladly cover all costs… I’m only asking that you do what’s right

Eradicate my trace and burn me from your memory

Forget the outline of my face, think of me as a bitter enemy

Because

Whenever we’re together; my heart beats in lullabies

We transcend into a single sphere then morph into butterflies

And together we shed our fears… promising each other just one more try

Then rose petals descend like rain, critiques of your shortcomings

Begin to wane….

I forget all your past transgressions, and once again you’re my ball and chain

This is why you must erase me

And have no repentance on my existence

Even pretend that you hate me…. make eternal banishment my sentence

Please unravel our entangled heart strings, reduce the radar on your love’s wide range

I know this all sounds quite strange….. But erase me

Just find another to replace me.

We Share

Let’s strategize and divide him

Get the hard stuff out the way

Let’s not scrutinize or chide him

We need to figure out our days…

You can have his heart

And I’ll control his soul

You’re getting his most vulnerable part

 But at least his soul, I can still mold

His eyes remain with me

And I’ll begrudgingly give you his lips

We’ll invite you over for tea

.... I’ll look away when you give him a kiss

You can have his chest

And I will take his shoulders

We’ll quarrel over his flesh

Because his skin feels like butter when smoldered

Since I have his soul, it’s only right that I keep his mind

You might think I am cold, but you get his face

And the nigga is fine

I don’t care about his outer

You can actually have all his physical features

Because his personality screams louder

Than a blown out house party speaker

They say that women are catty

And can never agree on a plan

But us two women are a bit batty and

Happen to love the same exact man

I won’t hold that against you

And I hope that you won’t either

Our feelings are placed in full view

And our man is the special guest speaker

We are just his zombies and we follow his every command

He's standing right beside me and you have his other hand.

Quit You (incomplete)

I really wish I knew how to quit you

You’re like gum on the bottom of my shoe

If you sneezed I’d bless you

And let your sneeze blow through the breeze

And wound up at the Zoo

Where the animals lounge

Keeping their love locked down

Like me and you

You’re way worse than a bad habit

Your  manly parts are a curse

That cause mad damage

The way I’m feeling is disgusting

But this young man has me lusting

Because my guts he’s consistently busting

Like a bubble

He’s three steps past trouble

He clears my whole area out with his a shovel